I was scanning the history of the early Christians
this morning and these words jumped out
in front of me:
I am the first and the last.
I am the honoured one and the scorned one.
I am the whore and the holy one.
I am the wife and the virgin.
I am the mother and the daughter...
I am the barren one
and many are her sons.
(The Thunder, Perfect Mind)
Apart from the fact that these words emanate
from a female fount of the godhead, a female
God, these words are strange because
many of these statements are stating paradox,
contradictions... and a truth, a being deeper
than these contradictions.
Now I am a mystic, not so much a scholar.
The scholarly details do not matter to me
so much - it is the being beneath the words,
the mind arising out of a consciousness
deeper than the mere awareness of
This being that transcends individuals,
that is more omnipresent than the subjects
of the contradictions in this poem -
this "being" that is beneath and beyond -
this is what a mystic focuses on...
the deeper meaning. This mind within and
without all things: this knowing the inner
and the outer, the holy and the abomination,
the beauty and ugliness emanating from the
This is what the mystic quest is all
about - and, to be honest - the mystic quest
and the Grail quest I see as being
one and the same thing. Except the
mystic quest does not need to have
any Christian trappings.
But the mystic must confront
the sacred, nevertheless: and the mystic
must confront the profane.
Sometimes, and this can be confusing,
the sacred and the profane are both
embodied in the same vessel.
The holy poem mentioned above
I am the solace of my labour pains.
I am the bride and the bridegroom,
and it is my husband who begot me.
I am the mother of my father
and the sister of my husband,
and he is my offspring.
I am the slave of him who prepared me.
I am the ruler of my offspring.
But he is the one who begot me before the time
on a birthday.
And he is my offspring in due time
and my power is from him.
I am the staff of his power in his youth,
and he is the rod of my old age.
And whatever he wills happens to me.
I am the silence that is incomprehensible...
I am the utterance of my name.
The poem is a lot longer than this.
I meant to print out only a few verses,
but the beauty and the flow and the magic of it
"I am shameless; I am ashamed."
"Do not be arrogant to me when I am cast out upon
You will find me in those who are to come.
"Do not look upon me on the dung-heap
nor go and leave me cast out,
and you will find me in the kingdoms."
These last few lines remind me very
much of the words of Christ:
"Whoever is cruel and arrogant to the least of these
poor, and cast out persons..."
WHOEVER DOES IT TO THE LEAST OF THESE
DOES IT TO ME.
Once we realize that the godhead can be
found in every and all aspects of life, and
in all places however foul and lowly,
the person there is also the great king...
well... perhaps we will not be so cruel to others
once we realize we are being cruel to God.
I got swept away by the poetry of the words...
It is in the very contradictions of this poem
that the mystic truth resides.
Don't bother trying to approach a mystic
truth with your intellectual mind, you'll
have no luck at all. No, your mind must
penetrate through the contradictions...
in order to find the core, the source
of the fountain.
If you are trying to catch the fish
in the stream, don't use a bowl.
"Why, you who hate me, do you love me
and hate those who love me?"
You can feel the pain in these words,
coming from a woman's heart.